The Ice Cream Philosophy
by MutedTone
Summary: The Voltaire's crew goes on vacation, but Yzak doesn't seem to be having fun. What will Shiho do about it?


The Ice Cream Philosophy

Started: January 2, 2007 9:13 PM

The sunlight was bright, but not too bright, just enough to make one feel the summer's warmth. A salty breeze blew towards the shore, bringing with it gentle ocean waves that lapped mildly at the sand.

Yzak Joule was scrutinizing a thick report about increased space pirate activity near the December City colonies.

Every few pages he would eye the group of Voltaire crewmembers who were playing beach volleyball, not too far away. Each game was accentuated by whoops and cheers, which somehow irked the silver-haired ship commander. _What a waste of energy. We could be out in space, routing criminal activity. Instead, we're all stuck here on this resort. What made Commander Clyne think of this "mandated vacation" for the entire crew anyway?_ He had donned summer attire: a hood-collared shirt, shorts, and sandals. His haired was tied back too. But that was about as "vacation-y" as he planned to get.

Suddenly a shadow appeared from behind his lounge chair, making it difficult to read the report. He leaned his head back to look at the intruder's upside-down face. In his most irritated tone, he said, "Captain Hahnenfuß, you're blocking my light."

"Hmmm, 'Space Pirate Attacks Reported This Month'." Shiho leaned on the back of his chair. "Sounds like a fun read."

"Some people are more serious about the universe's safety than others," he shot back coolly.

"Major Joule, you're wasting a perfect summer's day." She walked around his chair to sit at its edge. "Why don't you play volleyball with the other guys? Or go swimming? Or…wait…." Her purple eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me you're BAD at sports?"

He turned a page. "I'm not. In fact, I was good at every sport in military school." _Save for the fact that I was always second to Athrun Zala in all of them._ "But right now I have more important things to do than toss a ball around."

"Sir, that is exactly why Commander Clyne ordered us all to go on vacation!" Shiho crossed her arms. "She knows we exert 110 percent of our energies in keeping the peace. We DESERVE this break."

Yzak kept reading without a word.

The brown-haired ZAFT pilot huffed, quickly standing up. "Well, don't let me bother you. I guess I'll get some ice cream now." She started walking towards the ice cream hut.

The ocean rolled in small, gentle waves across the sand.

Wild cheers erupted from the volleyball players as another point was scored.

Yzak threw the report on the table beside him, and stood up. "Wait, I'm going too," he called after her in an annoyed tone. Warm sand trickled into his sandals as he walked.

Shiho had the nerve to laugh when he'd caught up with her. "I thought you might."

_The worst thing about your closest friends is that they know precisely how to vex you,_ Yzak thought sarcastically as the two of them walked silently side by side. He glanced at Shiho from the corner of his eye. Her hair was pulled up into a thick ponytail, and he could see her nape. Her stride was confident and energetic. _Just one year younger than me – so she's 19, right? _She was wearing a maroon bikini that didn't make her look scandalous, but rather, athletic. _In the ZAFT uniform, it would have been hard to tell that she had a good figure. She looks like she could carry a child easily…HUH? _Yzak tried to shake off that last thought. _Why am I thinking along THOSE lines?!_

Then he realized that Shiho was looking at him curiously. He could only hope that he was not blushing.

"You know what? I think this is the first time I've seen your ears," she said, sounding amused and amazed at the same time.

They were now lined up at the ice cream hut's counter.

Yzak didn't know whether he ought to laugh or to feel insulted. "Are you serious?"

"Yup." Her shoulders shrugged casually. "Your hair covers them most of the time."

"Well, I can hear with my ears just fine, hair or no hair," he replied a bit defensively. They had reached the front of the line. His blue eyes inspected the menu. "So what are you having?"

Her eyes widened in expectant disbelief. "You mean you're paying?"

He sighed impatiently. "Hurry up and choose before I change my mind."

She pored over the menu eagerly. "Let's see…the most expensive thing here is…." She caught Yzak's raised eyebrow before smiling at the girl at the counter and saying, "I'll have the banana split with everything on it."

Yzak shook his head as he took out his charge card. "I'll have a double scoop of vanilla. And some water."

"Just for the free ice cream, you have earned my total allegiance and loyalty," Shiho said brightly as they settled their desserts, as well as cups of water, on a table just beside the ice cream hut.

"All the Voltaire's crew ARE required to swear their allegiance before they go onboard." He took a seat beside her. "Although, I never thought I'd see you so enthusiastic about anything other than experimental mobile suits."

"Well, there's a lot to get excited about in life." A serious expression crept into her face as she twirled her spoon in her banana split. "And…Sir?"

"What is it?"

Her eyebrows knotted. "Why won't you let yourself enjoy this vacation, like the rest of us? While everyone's having fun, you're reading BORING reports. It's so…wrong."

He fiddled with his spoon. "I never waste an opportunity to be productive."

"But…whether you collapse at your desk tomorrow, or die after many years of working hard, it doesn't matter. It won't undo the past. It won't bring all the casualties of war back to life."

She had hit a very sensitive nerve.

"Don't you dare tell me that!" he replied sharply, his temper rising. "I was responsible for the deaths of thousands. I'm alive now while they're not!" He closed his eyes briefly at the memory. "The friends who died for me…the civilians I murdered…they're the reason why I strive to do my best every day."

"So you're going to carry the guilt forever?" She looked intently at him. "Are you going to spend all your time deep in work, and never laugh or play? So what if you've made bad decisions in the past? Many of us soldiers have too. It's not just you. We all have to live with the results of our actions. If other people hate us for what we did back then, okay, that's just how it is. We did the best we could for what we believed was a good cause." She took a big bite of banana and chewed it contemplatively.

"Are you saying I ought to forget those who passed away? I can't just erase the mistakes I made and pretend that my life is untainted. I know I was at fault. I was once sentenced to die, remember?" A tiny shudder went through him. "The day of the trial…I was ready to face my fate. Sometimes I wonder if it would've been better…if the Chairman hadn't defended me that time." His fingers crumpled a paper towel. "Dying is easy; living with your past is hard. I should know — my mother hasn't been allowed beyond her back yard by herself for several years now. She will never have the opportunity to compensate for her past actions. I got a second chance, and I won't waste it."

"And how will you know when you've done enough?" She studied the sprinkles on her dessert. "Are you waiting for the dead to say when you've been forgiven?"

He poked at his ice cream. "Maybe so." He glared at some eavesdropping bystanders, who promptly got scared and went away. "That's how I choose to live."

"Have you ever thought that maybe it's time you forgave yourself?"

He stopped stabbing his double vanilla.

"Once you realize that you've made a mistake, fine, learn from that mistake. And do better next time. That's how life is. You trudge along as best as you can. We're Coordinators, but we're not perfect. So just stop feeling so GUILTY about the past and stop burying yourself in work." Shiho turned away, looking very unhappy. "You say you don't want to waste your life. But you can't even enjoy a beautiful summer's day."

Yzak huffed and tapped his spoon on his parfait glass. "So you have the answers to all of life's questions. Well, good for you!" He leaned back and crossed his arms. "I'd rather not talk about this subject. Why can't you be your normal quiet self?"

She tossed him a sulky look. "I'm on vacation. Unlike you." A shrug. A sigh. "Well, I've said a week's worth of words so I'll shut up about it." She put a spoonful of ice cream and fruit into her mouth. "Mmmm. Banana splits taste better when they're free!" she said with sudden cheer, and began to eat determinedly.

_Why do I suddenly feel like I should take back what I just said?_ Yzak wondered as he watched her attack the banana split. _She's the one who brought it up._

Shiho stopped chewing briefly. She pointed at his parfait glass with her spoon, but didn't look at him. "Better eat that ice cream quick. Once it melts, it's gone."

For once in his life, Yzak Joule felt cowed. "Uh. Sure." He picked up his spoon. It was cold, but sweet; and it felt good on his tongue.

She sat back and fixed her purple eyes on her almost-empty ice cream dish. "It's really good ice cream."

He took another spoonful. "It is," he murmured in agreement.

She rested her chin in her palm and watched the people who were milling around the beach. "You know, this resort is a nice place."

He looked at the shoreline. There were some children building sandcastles. The waves swept very quietly across the sand. And the sun was bright, but not too bright. "I suppose so."

"HEY YZAK! SHIHO!" Dearka hollered from beside the volleyball net. "Get over here! We're taking a picture of everybody."

"Don't think you can order your superiors around!" Yzak replied, looking sternly at him.

Dearka just grinned and shrugged.

Shiho stood up without a word, and started towards Dearka's direction.

Yzak hurried after her, and grasped her hand gently. "Just a minute."

She paused, raised both eyebrows and waited.

He sighed. _I hate it when someone else is right. _"Look, I'm sor-" But her index finger pressed over his mouth. She shook her head from side to side.

"Just don't read any more reports while we're here, okay?"

Yzak almost protested, but found himself nodding anyway.

Shiho looked satisfied with that. "Then let's go."

Yzak took one last glance at the table where, just a few moments ago, they had been arguing.

_Eat your ice cream quickly, before it melts. Don't waste it._

He surprised himself when, as they walked, he twined his fingers with hers.

She looked confused at first; but she didn't pull away, just smiled.

The sand trickled into his sandals.

And he knew that he would be living his life not just in memory of others, but also for his own hopes and dreams.

Ended: January 5, 2007 11:10 PM

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Author's notes: Just wanted to tell the readers, please don't study too hard or take life too seriously! You only have one life, and one chance to laugh, and love, and do everything you can and be everything you want to be. 


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